Travelling..there's no need to rush!!

All this while, I always thinking about travelling, and obviously since I've been here, the keen to travel is greater than before..

And I don't really mind, even if I have to travel alone, yes ALONE!

In fact, I have my own aim, to finish travel around Europe, ALONE (on the final stage of my study)..

I don't know, is it some kind of protest or am just trying to enjoy my single life to the fullest??

(orang kata nanti dah kahwin susah la pulak nak travel-travel ni, nak2 kalau husband jenis yang tak suka berjalan T.T *MENANGIS*)

Even ducks have their own travel buddy!! errr...Me??LOL

At one point, I was like desperately need to go to all the beautiful places that I've plan before the end of my study (confirm dah start keje nanti susah sikit nak berjalan-jalannya!)

Until one day, I was pondered by a facebook status of my friend (she's one of my close and support friends here, indeed)

Thanks kak, its really meaningful, and beautiful thought!!

Now, I just need to lay back, relax, read all the journals and do my research with a smile on my face!! Wuhhuu!!! :)

Prioritise your life, Op!! Study is a part of ibadah..

"We don't aim this world, we aim hereafter"

Ada rezeki, ada.. Kalau tak de rezeki, takpelah....

*P/S: Okay, tapi saya still nak berjalan2 ye!! LOL...Cuma not so rush as before...*

From Birm, with Love,

Sufiah

Spring 2014!!

This spring, I just enjoying it around my uni..

Because I have another big plan this spring, much more bigger than travel around Europe!!

No DSLR, only iPhone.. 

Out of cave! Out of hole!

Bear, rabbit, little mole,

Hatch from egg in nest in trees!

The birds are back, and so are bees.

The flowers bloom, the leaves are green,

How do they know when it's spring??

Build your web! The bugs are back!

Little spider dressed in black,

Bears, rabbits, birds and bees,

Flowers, leaves, grass and trees,

Just like me, their face is warm,

That's how they know, spring has come.... :)

Our school was surrounded by daffodils!! 

The fields are rich with daffodils,

A coat of clover cloaks the hills,

And I must dance, I must sing,

To see the beauty of the spring..

I wandered lonely as a cloud,

That floats on high o'er vales and hills,

When all at once I saw a crowd,

A host, of golden daffodils....

From Birm, with Love,

Sufiah

Dear me, buatlah sesuatu Lillahi taala...

Kita tahu mati tu dekat dengan kita...sangat dekat, tapi kita masih lagi khayal dengan kebahagian dunia...

Kita tahu, dunia ni sementara, tapi kita selalu nak kejar-kejar dunia sampai terlupa nak kejar akhirat yang abadi??

Kita tahu kita ni sebagai khalifah Allah, sebelum lahir ke dunia lagi kita dah janji, tapi apakah usaha kita sebagai khalifah?? Terlaksana atau tidak??



Seriously, saya sakit...saya penat...saya lelah kejar dunia...bila kejar-kejar selalu tak dapat...

At one point, memang saya seolah-olah give up, and sort of fed up dengan semua ni.. Kenapa saya perlu memaksa diri untuk something yang tak kekal lama ni??

This really happen to my PhD journey.. Penat, lelah dan sewaktu dengannya bila orang-orang atasan mula pressure kita...honestly memang saya sangat letih..

Apa yang membuatkan saya bekerja adalah kerana our bonding rules?? If I can't finish on time they will fine me... And you know what, benda ni membuatkan niat belajar dah bertukar, daripada niat kerana Allah, jadi niat kerana takut disaman???

Allahu Akhbar!!!

Sekarang..saya nekad..walau apa pun terjadi, saya akan bertahan, saya akan berusaha lillahi taala.. Bukan kerana awak, mereka atau sesiapa.. HANYA KERANA ALLAH...

I want to enjoy my PhD, its better to have a good quality rather than quantity kan??

Walaupun satu hari nanti, saya mungkin akan disaman..

Walaupun satu hari nanti, saya mungkin akan diberhentikan...

Saya YAKIN DAN PERCAYA bahawa perancangan Allah kepada saya adalah yang terbaik selama-lamanya... InsyaAllah... :)

Rezeki Allah kan ada dimana-mana??
(If they can threatened you with that sort of saman things, why not you try to go somewhere else?? This, I really mean this, if you don't treat me well, I won't stay with your organisation longer...)



From Birm, with Love,
Sufiah

Imam sementara

*Okay, disebabkan tak boleh tido, I nak berceloteh..*

Biasa nya kalau imam orang kaitkan dengan apa? Yeahhh, pandai! Ngan partner la, spouse, ur other half.. InsyaAllah...

Ni bukan yang the other half tu, tapi mungkin pinjaman saja, ala-ala guru praktikal gitu!!

Ye, Allah pinjamkan awak pada saya, 7 bulan jugak, tapi tetiba awak senyap je??

Fb deactivated, whatsapp macam takleh nak contact (selalu awak yg contact kita dulu), and I don't know your  latest news either!

Awak dah selamat kahwin ke belum, macam mana business awak, perjalanan hidup awak seronok ke tidak etc..

Memang Allah hanya pinjamkan awak, Allah sedang ajar saya, walau macam mana rapat or baiknya saya dengan seseorang tu, semua tu takkan kekal lama..

Maka, jagalah hati.. Tak perlu seronok memberi!!

Awak anugerah! Awak imam sementara saya! Yang Allah pinjamkan semasa saya sedang leka.

Nasihat awak, tunjuk ajar awak, semua amat terkesan kat jiwa ini..

Bila awak takde, saya semakin leka (inilah manusia yang tak tahu beringat, Allah hadiahkan petunjuk, bila petunjuk tu dah habis, tak mahu nak istiqamah)

Semoga awak berjaya menjadi imam yang terbaik kepada isteri dan bakal anak-anak awak juga!! Ameen!!!

Dan doakan saya bertemu imam yang permenant kepada diri ini!! Hihihi
Ameen!!!

From Birm, with Love,
Sufiah

Kifarah dosa!

Perbualan dengan ibu, menyedarkan betapa diri ini jauh sungguh berkelana..seorang diri, ye, seorang diri!!

Bila terjatuh, bangun sendiri..bila sedih, menangis sendiri..bila ada masalah, simpan sendiri..dan bila bermaksiat, juga sendiri-sendiri, tiada teguran...

Bukan nak kata saya tak ada kawan, saya ramai kawan (Alhamdulillah for that!!) dan saya memang mempunyai ramai sangat sahabat-sahabat yang memahami, yang nak dengar masalah, yang sanggup membantu, tapi at one point, saya rasa kawan-kawan takkan selamanya bersama.. Mereka juga ada hidup masing-masing, ada tanggungjawab sendiri, maka perlukah saya menyemakkan lagi kehidupan mereka dengan masalah dan dugaan saya yang sungguh enteng ini??

Dan bila berseorangan, mulalah syaitan dan jin yang ada disekitar menghasut.. Itulah gangguan yang sebenarnya...

Dan sesungguhnya diri ini semakin hanyut dan jauh dari Yang Maha Pencipta..

Yes, I admit.. externally memang saya patuh padaNya, but internally saya terasa jauh sungguh dariNya akibat dosa-dosa ini...

Pabila hatiku diserahkan sepenuhnya kepada dunia, jadi macam ni lah...

Bila diri diduga ni, barulah perasan, sebenarnya ini hanyalah kifarah daripada dosa-dosa yang menggunung..

Semakin meningkat dewasa ni (tua sebenarnya), diri semakin alpa..

Ye, memang sedar, orang yang tak waras je yang takkan sedar dosa yang dia buat.. Allahu Akhbar!!

Tapi diri ni, mungkin enak sungguh melayan dosa-dosa..

Betullah orang kata, maksiat itu memang sangat indah, sedap, enak dan bertambah lazat jika diulang berkali-kali tanpa penyesalan... Allahu rabbi!!

Pulanglah ke pangkal jalan.. everything in this world is temporary Op, remember that!!


*sambil menyiapkan abstrak, sambil berangan, sambil update blog, sambil menangis sorang-sorang again!!!*

From Birm, with Love,
Sufiah

Gangguan??

Dua tiga hari ni terasa amat sedih dan kemurungan berlaku..

Perasaan malas pun makin berganda2..

What I realised was, since I went here, kadang-kadang perasaan malas melampau-lampau berlaku kat diri ni..

Then, yesterday, one of my friend sent me ayat ruqyah..

Actually, sejak last year dah try nak dengar ayat ruqyah ni, tapi mesti rasa mengantuk..

I don't know, is it because of 'the thing' or perasaan saya je? But the truth is bila my friend asked me to listen to the ayat, I reluctant!!

Then, mula lah diri ni sibuk mencari-cari tanda2 gangguan.. and some of it ada pada saya??!!

I asked an advice from family and friends, and most of them cakap, saya kena lawan!!

Yes, kena lawan Op!!

Kena banyakkan membaca Quran (walaupun benda tu selalu menghalang saya nak baca), banyakkan berzikir dan tahajud.

My friend once got this experience, so she told me, instead of jumpa perawat ni, dia tried berubat sendiri..

Caranya: Baca Quran selalu, bangun tahajud selalu (even solat sunat dua rakaat je pun)

Ye, memang agak susah, tapi kita kuat, kena lawan!!

Tak kesah la kalaupun saya malas bukan sebab gangguan, tapi yang penting saya kena kuatkan dan dekatkan diri pada Allah.. Waktu ni, bukannya nak tunggu kita, so bersiap sedia dengan amal ibadah yang ada!!

From Birm, with Love,

Sufiah

Am I a LOSER??

I don't have any idea to write right now, but I seriously need some motivation..

While I am thinking about my PhD journey, I started to pounder about my Islamic knowledges..

As I read some Islamic books, I started to questioning about several things (it's actually not about  aqeedah, but more into fiqh)

Yes, its sometimes quite confusing when several people keep saying that those things are permissible while the others aren't!

That things still lingering in my brain until now (the confusion)…
*crying loud*

I am a Muslim! And I went for a religious high school from my past, but suddenly when I grew up, all of the Islamic knowledge that I had silently faded??? That's why I need to admit that I am a LOSER!!!

I am a LOSER because:

-I'm still thinking of dunya, more that hereafter

-I always work hard for something that I knew it won't last forever

-Enjoying my sins, even though I knew it will lead me to the hell fire

-Hardly forgive people

-Not sincere in doing good deeds (only Allah knows my level of sincerity)

-Always pray to meet him (you know who) to walk together to Jannah instead of struggling my self!!!

Oh, Allah!! Please…please…please forgive me…

I seriously, desperately need to enter Your Paradise.. (Although I don't deserve the blessing of Paradise, but yet don't have the strength to withstand the torment of hellfire)...

Lead me to the straight path….

Show me the firm and truth faith,

And let me only meet the people who always seeking for the truth…

Ameen ya rabbal alamin…



From Birm, with Love,
Sufiah

My dreams came true

As I laid down my bed, I started to think…

About all single little things that I've been through for this while...

And when I started to count the percentage of my achievement, I always ended up shockingly!!

Allah did answered all my prayers.. not only the big one, also the small little one..

yes, not all been answered directly, but as I started to think wisely, I can related and connected all my prayers with my achievements!!

Once,

I want to study abroad, He didn't answer me directly, but He gave it to me after several years of hard works..

I want to be an archeologist, instead He make me a geologist..

And there are other things that I can't really revealed it here, but I knew He always gave the best for me…

Now I realised that all my dreams came true, yes all!! even not directly, but I knew it was related to each other!!!

"Then which of your God's blessings would you deny??"

Its time to thankful and grateful for all the blessing He gave to me…

Alhamdulillah *sujud syukur*

From Birm, with Love,

Sufiah

These really happen when you are abroad...

Its really funny:

when you can let a stranger stay in your house,

talk to them as you already knew each other for years,

let them use your properties as they are your best buddies,

never afraid of being cheat at the first place,

or always willing to lend your hand to help a stranger when they are in need...

And tell you what, these really happen when you are studying abroad.

The strangers can be your friend..

The strangers will help you in need…

The strangers will always there to talk to you…

Obviously that strangers are a Malaysian too….

But… 

Its totally frustrated when you can't really become that strangers anymore once you touch down your country!

"Ukhwah akan lebih kelihatan indah dan mesra jika kita jauh dari negara asal kita"… (me said)

Dear me, 

I knew that I am not really a good and nice person, but I have to struggle hard to become one!!

I knew that every time I did a good deeds, Allah will double/triple my rewards as a preparation for the hereafter, so do all goods deeds, even when I die, it will be rewarded continuously..

So just be nice and warm to all people not only here, but back to your own country as well!!

From Birm, with Love,

Sufiah

A weekend getaway!! Scotland, skiing..

A lovely Scotland… such a beautiful and magnificent view along the way from Birm, Ballater, Inverness, Loch Ness, Fort William, Glasgow….

From Birm with Love,

Sufiah