My heart was block by sins!

All this while, I always plan a challenge to change my self.. Its seriously tough though, always didn't goes well as my plan.. And now, I just realised that my heart, mind and soul are saturated with sins, that's why its really miserable and difficult to stand still!

Looking back to my past, I always think that I am a good girl.. I used to be kind to other human being, I always try my best to be the best friend, never try to hurt my family's hearts, but.. one thing that I totally forgot, to remain my relationship to the Creature, Allah the Almighty! I mean, obviously I did all the compulsary things as a Muslim, but on the other hand, am I do it truthfully, or it just a same daily routine or habit that I must do? So, thats the thing!! 

Being a 27 yo woman, I start to see things differently. The questions like ‘why sometimes He doesn't grant my prayers?’ or ‘why I am really having a problem to be a good Muslimah?’ always knock down my head. Pathetically, the answer will always come back to me.. 

Poundering about my past, I started to dig my old few little albums. Now, I got the answer! For example, there was a period that I was like, not really particular about my aurat? I mean, I covered all, but not really complete😭😭 Its totally shameful and painful to tell everyone about this matter, but yeah, things happen.. And I think that's one of the reason why my relationship to Him is not really firm. My Iman keeps going ups and downs, and sometimes its really hard for me stay in a better path whilst doing all the good deeds, and avoiding all the bad deeds.. 

Yes, I am a woman, a bad woman indeed  with full of sins intentionally or unintentionally..

All these things came cross to my mind when few friends seeking my advice. Not telling that I'm a good problem solver or a motivator, but when problems happen, and I am no longer having a solution, I tried to reflect my self back. I mean, when something happen it might be a punishment from Him (like a karma?). Or it might be a sign for us to keep patient? 

One thing I pretty sure is, when our heart are no longer sincere to do good things, it probably because it was full of hatred, sins or even envious?? 

Dear heart.. Please.. Please.. Please.. Put Him first in everything.. Put the dunya aside, run for the akhirat instead! You, yes YOU, and ME, definitely, are not destined to remain forever in this dunya.. The life hereafter should be our aim, and Jannah should be our motivation! Biiznillah... 

From Birm, with love, 

Sufiah

This journey is ain't easy!

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

24 October 2014, 30 Zulhijjah 1435

The last day of 1435! 

The new resolution should be made! And my resolution is to let go of whatever things that can't increase or strengthen my Iman!! All, yes, ALL!! 

I mean, if it have nothing to do to empower my Islamic knowledge, I'll try to let it go, slowly and consistently.. InsyaAllah! May He ease everything.. 

And back to my research, its going harder and tougher day by day, though!

And just now, I got this new microscope for another microfossils counting! Can you imagine, my small desk in postgrad room is now crowded with all my stuffs??  2 microscopes, 5 thick hardcover books, sample slide's drawer, desktop, and a tiny little space for me?!! 😓😓😓😪🔫

This journey is ain't easy, and yet it's going crazy! I mean, I have only a year, and I really need to do all these things!! Allah!! Allah!! Allah!! 

Allah, I desperately need Your Help, Merciful and Kindness to make me feel better and can get through this journey!! I am barely breathing here.. 😷😷😷

“May He always put me in a high level of sincerity to get through this journey!!” 

From Birm with love, 

Sufiah

The 6 weeks challenges begin!!

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

20 October 2014/26 Zulhijjah 1435.. 

Nearly the end of Hijri year.. Another 3 years of Gregorian year to reach 30s! And yet, there's a lot of things to do and achieve!! 

Thus, I decided, to modify most of my bad habits (relatively) in order to improve and enhance the balance three years onwards and escape the degree of dissappointments towards the end of my life! Hopefully! 😪

Here there are! The 6 weeks challenges:-

1. Social network! Take the techonology detox!!  

2. Healthy life style! Before my metabolism slowing down, I need to do something.. 

3. Focus! Focus! And focus on my study!

Read more, play less! 

Plan my future works, and work my present plans!! 

4. Last and foremost.. Have faith in Allah and depends totally on Him.. Seeking knowledge sincerely because of Him, and do all good deeds because of Him either! Follow our Prophet Muhammad saw sunnah in all aspect of life, and preventing myself to do or talk about mazmumah things!! 

“Apa-apa yang tidak menambahkan iman, perlahan-lahan saya cuba lepaskan..”

May He ease everything for me.. Allahumma ameen... 

From Birm with love, 

Sufiah

Pesan pada hati, Allah ada!!

Pesan pada hati, Allah ada!! Dia sentiasa dengar, Dia sentiasa tahu..

Ye, 2,3 minggu kebelakangan ini, diri selalu jatuh sakit.. 

Frankly, disebabkan diri ini selalu sihat sampai lupa macam mana perasaan demam tu.. Until one day, badan rasa tak terlarat nak bangun, tak larat nak bergerak.. And I just remember back the old feeling of being sick!! Allah.. Allah.. Allah..

Doa dalam hati banyak-banyak, semoga kesakitan ini mengurangkan dosa-dosaku.. Ameen..

Tapi biasalah sebagai manusia biasa, perasaan sedih itu tetap ada.. Sedih demam keseorangan (tanpa family), sedih sebab stress banyak keje, sedih semua orang refer masalah pada saya (which at first I thought I can avoid this because I am living alone).. 

Bila kesedihan tu datang, kepada Dia jugalah tempat mengadu.. Because I am no longer trust any human, I mean, manusia tak boleh selesaikan masalah saya pun, walau macam mana saya mengadu atau merintih.. Huhu😭😭😭😭 Mungkin, bolehlah mendengar.. Ye, kerana saya selalu je mengadu sesuatu dengan seseorang yang saya percaya... 

Hati ini, ye hati ini.. mungkin lebih cenderung kepada dunia.. Kerana itulah hati ini jarang nak bersyukur, jarang nak redha.. 

Hati ini, ye hati ini.. mungkin lebih menjaga hati manusia, sedangkan diri tau, bukan kuasa kita untuk menjaga hati-hati manusia..

Hati ini, ye hati ini.. mungkin terlampau bergantung pada dunia dan manusia, sedangkan diri tahu dan pasti, hanya Allah tempat pengharapan yang sebaiknya... 

Allah.. Semoga hati ini, kekal melekat padaMu.. 

Pesan pada hati selalu, Allah ada.. Dia sentiasa Mendengar, Dia sentiasa Melihat, dan Dia sentiasa dekat dengan kita... 

*kesat airmata tu, senyum dan ucapkan alhamdulillah..diatas tiap-tiap nikmat dan rahmat yang dianugerahkan*

From Birm, with love, 

Sufiah

Perkahwinan?? Kematian itu lebih pasti..

“Every soul shall taste death”

Pada suatu hari, berlaku satu situasi.. 

B: Hah, kamu tu bila nak kawen??

S: Mmm.. Belum sampai seru.. (Tersenyum)

B: Hah, jangan belum-belum sampai seru, tengok-tengok akhir tahun ni balik Malaysia, nak kawen!! 

S: (terkejut kena marah).. Hihihi.. B, ajal, maut, jodoh, pertemuan semua ditangan Allah.. Siapalah saya nak menidakkan takdir.. Tapi what I really concern right now is about my ajal.. Ajal tu lebih pasti daripada perkahwinan.. Kahwin??mm tak semua orang dapat kahwin kat dunia ni, tapi ajal, semua orang akan mati! Instead of focusing bila nak kawen, nak kawen dengan siapa, etc, etc., saya lebih takut dengan kematian.. Bersedia ke saya nak mati? Apa amalan sebagai bekalan saya nanti? Dapat tak saya pulang ke *kampung halaman* dengan tenang?? Ntah-ntah on the way balik rumah ni pun saya boleh mati? Allahu rabbi.. Tapi ini bukan bermaksud saya menidakkan perkahwinan.. Cuma its not the right time to talk about this matter.. When the time come, it will come.. InsyaAllah.. Research saya pun macam tu, I tried my best to finish on time, but He has a much more better plan for me.. Berusaha dan redha.. InsyaAllah.. Doakan saya ye!! 😊😊😊

B: (ketegangan makin kendur). Okay la macam tu, good luck with your study!

*Kita semua berasal dari keturunan nabi Adam. Dan nabi Adam ditempatkan di SYURGA pada asalnya. Jadi kampung halaman kita adalah SYURGA!*

Perbualan diatas dah selalu dilalui oleh kami-kami yang single dan sambung study ni.. B adalah boss-boss yang selalu meletakkan beban yang besar kepada kami. And the worst scenario is, they won't let us to get married?? Katanya nak suruh fokus??😂😂😂😓😓

Kahwin atau tidak bukan masalah, masalah selalu datang disebabkan research itu sendiri, supervisor atau diri researcher tu sendiri..😓😓

Ya, benar.. Di usia-usia sekarang ni (semakin matang katanya), saya lebih takutkan kematian dari everything else.. Kematian sangat tidak mengenal usia.. Bila sampai masa, kita akan pegi jua.. 

“Setiap hari bila patah semangat, saya selalu doa supaya Allah mengikhlaskan hati saya dengan PhD ni.. Study pun ibadahkan? Kalau boleh, biarlah kesusahan belajar ini tidak sia-sia, malah menambah pahala sebagai bekalan disana nanti.. Ameen.. InsyaAllah..”

~Just my thought of the day.. ~

From Birm with love, ❤️❤️❤️

Sufiah

A story of a shopkeeper- as a reminder to us all..

There lived a pious man all by himself, who spent most of his time in praying, fasting and praising Allah. Almost all his waking hours were utilised in meditation and devotions. He was very happy with his spiritual progress. No wicked thoughts came to his mind and no evil temptations entered his heart.

One night, he dreamt a rather disturbing dream. He saw that a shopkeeper in the town was far superior to him in spirituality and that he must go to him to learn the basics of true spiritual life.

In the morning, the pious man went in search of the shopkeeper. He found him busy with his customers, selling goods and collecting money with a cheerful face. He sat there in a corner of the shop and watched the shopkeeper carefully. No signs of any spiritual life at all, he said to himself. His dream could not be true. But then he saw the shopkeeper disappear to pray his Salah. When he returned, he was busy dealing with money matters again.

The shopkeeper noticed the pious man sitting in the corner and asked: "As Salamu Alaikum, would you like something, brother?"
"Wa Alaikum As Salam. Oh! No! No!" said the pious man. "I don't want to buy anything, but I want to ask you a question." He then related his dream.

"Well, that is very simple to explain," said the shopkeeper, "but you will have to do something for me before I answer your question."

"I will do anything for you," replied the pious man.

"All right! Take this saucer; there is some mercury in it. Go to the other end of the street and come back fast within half an hour. If the mercury falls out of the saucer, you will hear nothing from me. There you go now."

The pious man took the saucer and started running. The mercury nearly wobbled out of the saucer. He saved it just in time, and slowed down. Then he remembered he had to return within half an hour, so he started walking at a fast pace. At long last he returned puffing and panting. "Here is your mercury, safe and sound," he told the shopkeeper. "Now tell me the true interpretation of my dream."

The shopkeeper looked at the pious man's weary condition and asked him: "Well, friend, how many times did you remember Allah while you were going from this end of the street to the other?"

"Remember Allah!" exclaimed the pious man. "I did not remember Him at all. I was so worried about the mercury in the saucer."

"But I do remember Him all the time," said the shopkeeper. "When I am doing my business, I am also carrying mercury in a saucer. I am fair, honest and kind to my customers. I never forget Allah Ta'ala in my dealings with other men."

"Men whom neither trade nor sale (business) diverts from the remembrance of Allaah (with heart and tongue) nor from performing As-Salaah (Iqaamat-as-Salaah) nor from giving the Zakaah. They fear a Day when hearts and eyes will be overturned (out of the horror of the torment of the Day of Resurrection). That Allaah may reward them according to the best of their deeds, and add even more for them out of His Grace. And Allaah provides without measure to whom He wills" [Al Quran, Surah an-Noor 24:37-38]

“A truely reminder to my ownself, please REMEMBER HIM all the times..”

From Birm with love, 

Sufiah

Munajat sempena wuquf di Arafah..

3 October 2014/9 Zulhijjah 1435

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

Jumaat yang barakah!! 

Kopi dan pasta dari

Ust Khalid Isa An Nadwi

Ya Allah..

Anugerahkan kepada kami rasa takut kepadaMu yang dapat menghalangi kami dari berbuat maksiat kepadaMu.

Anugerahkan kepada kami kekuatan untuk mentaatiMu yang dengannya Engkau memasukkan kami ke dalam syurgaMu.

Ya Rahman..

Anugerahkan kepada kami  keyakinan terhadap qadha' dan qadarMu yang dengannya Engkau menjadikan kami merasa ringan atas semua musibah dunia yang menimpa kami.

Berikan kepada kami kenikmatan dan manfaat melalui pendengaran dan penglihatan kami dan berilah kekuatan kepada kami selama kami masih hidup serta jadikanlah semua nikmat dan manfaat itu tetap ada pada kami sampailah ke akhir hayat kami.

Ya Rahiim...

Jadikanlah kami sebagai hambaMu yang hanya menuntut balas kepada mereka yang telah menzalimi kami. Tolonglah kami Ya Allah dalam menghadapi orang yang memusuhi kami, janganlah Engkau timpakan musibah (keburukan) dalam urusan agama kami.

Ya Zaljalaali Wal Ikraam..

Janganlah Engkau jadikan kami sebagai hamba yang hanya menjadikan dunia sebagai tujuan utama hidup kami dan janganlah Engkau jadikan kami sebagai orang yang hanya mengetahui dan memikirkan dunia semata-mata.

Ya Qahhar Ya Jabbar..

Janganlah disebabkan dosa dan maksiat yang kami lakukan Ya Allah maka Engkau menjadikan orang-orang tidak mengasihi kami sebagai penguasa di negeri kami.

Maafkan kami Ya Allaah..

Ampunkan kami Ya Rahman..

Rahmatilah kami Rahiim..

Ameen Ya Rabbal A'lamiin...

Semoga doa-doa kita akan dimakbulkanNya.. Mari gunakan kesempatan ini untuk berzikir dan berdoa kepada Dia, pemilik Cinta yang Agung!! ❤️❤️❤️

Orang Malaysia jangan marah, kami raya dulu ye!! 😝✌️ 

From Birm with Love, 

Sufiah

Kembali kepada Tuhan

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

1 Oktober 2014/7 Zulhijjah 1435h

27 yo and counting!! 

Alhamdulillah, genap 2 tahun bergelar pelajar PhD! Dan masih lagi diberi Allah kekuatan untuk meneruskan perjuangan.. Aim: finish PhD before 29! Means, before July 2016!! (ni tolak campur kalau nak extend sekali lah).. Ameen.. InsyaAllah.. 

Ditahun terakhir ni, diri mengambil keputusan untuk menyendiri.. Bukan bermaksud menyombong, tapi melebarkan lagi ‘space’ untuk diri sendiri dan semestinya kepada Dia yang Maha Pencipta.. 

Hopefully pindah di hall (student accomodation) ni, banyak masa dikhusus dan difokuskan untuk Dia.. Dan hopefully everything going be just fine!

Musim berganti, dari Autumn ke Winter, bertukar ke Spring, pindah ke Summer dan kembali semula ke Autumn the next year!! Pantas sungguh masa meninggalkan kita, Allahu Rabbi! Semoga masa-masa yang telah ditinggalkan dipenuhi dengan manfaat!

Motif penulisan ini adalah mengingkatkan diri khususnya, agar sentiasa kembali kepada Tuhan.. 

Sebenarnya, perbualan dengan seseorang membuatkan diri rasa terpukul, perbualan tentang sesuatu yang lebih pasti.. MATI! 

Baru sedar, selama ini diri mengejar sesuatu yang tidak pasti.. DUNIA..

Sibuk merancang hidup, sibuk merancang research, sibuk merancang sesuatu yang belum pasti.. Tapi MATI?? Tak pernah sama sekali merancang bagaimana pengakhiran diri.. Allah!! Allah!! Allah!!

Kemudian, sekali lagi diri tersentap, bila seorang kawan cakap sebelum berpisah, “kita jumpa di syurga ye!” Sedihnya.. Layakkah diri ini ke Syurga Mu??

Allah sesungguhnya diri ini sentiasa terleka.. 

Terleka dengan nikmat dunia yang sementara..

Diri selalu lupa..

Bila kita sakit, Dia yang sembuhkan..

Bila kita stress, Dia kurangkan..

Bila kita menangis, Dia legakan.. 

Tapi dimanakah Dia dihati kita pabila kita kegembiraan?? *sedashh tamparan terkena dipipi sendiri*

‘Ironinya, manusia bila dalam kesusahan, baru kembali kepada Tuhan..’

Allah!! Allah!! Allah!! Jadikan dunia didalam genggaman kami, bukan dalam hati kami!! 

Semoga hati-hati kita sentiasa dalam rahmat dan kasih sayangNya..

*banyak benda nak cerita, tapi lebih banyak benda yang perlu difokus*

From Birm, with love, 

Sufiah